The man

For any new readers that may stumble across my blog on the NaBloPoMo randomizer let me say that being a stay at home mom means that the majority of my posts will have to do with motherhood.  I do believe that there is much more to me than that, but day in and day out, I am neck deep in kids – from preschoolers/toddlers upon waking and a teen who is only in bed minutes before me.

That being said, here’s my mom story for the day…

For MONTHS we’ve been working on getting the boys to say their whole name.  They are both really good at their first and middle names, but they seem to always leave off the last name.  I’ve told them that it’s important to know in case they ever get lost or can’t find me in a store.  So, today, while outside building a snowcave, Tobias says (completely out of the blue), Mommy, if I ever get lost, I’m gonna tell the man, “My name is Tobias J.”    The man, I wonder where he got that and what made him think of it while we were shoveling snow…

Free time for teens?

Jamiee’s summer is rapidly winding down.  We’ve had a couple of short conversations asking what her plans were for the school year regarding after school activities.  She’s been unsure about what she wants to do.  Last year, she played volleyball in the fall and then did cheerleading in the winter/spring for basketball.  It was good for her since she was at a new school and both activities helped her to meet new friends and make a place for herself there at Monroe.  

With her vagueness about what she wanted to do and reluctancy to commit to an activity this year, Brian and I have been talking.  We decided that she needs to do something – if not an after school activity, then a job – and we presented this to her the other night.  She was a little put-out and just kind of said that she would think about it.  

I was telling Brian that it’s strange to me to have to give this type of ultimatum.  I have always been a go-getter and over-achiever when it came to activities.  It feels a little wrong to force her into something, but at the same time we recognize that a teen with too much free time is not a good thing.

Not in the yard!!

Since potty training, the boys have become accustomed to peeing outside. We’ve been in the village with lots of privacy, so it hasn’t been a problem. Now that we’re in Fairbanks, they still want to pee outside. We’ve been working on getting them to go at least to the tree line before they pull down, but we’re still working on it!

When the bathroom is occupied, it’s been convenient to say “go outside.” Today, our bathroom is undergoing some construction and Toby needed to go “poo-poo”. I said, “you’ll have to go downstairs,” meaning the downstairs bathroom in our vacant apartment. By the time I stepped outside to take him to the bathroom, he had already pulled down in the middle of the yard! I was greeted with “I was right! It was poo-poo, Mommy!” Nice.

It’s a never-ending road of life lessons – pooping in the woods while camping, okay. Pooping in the yard where people play, not okay.

Moving on

I wrote a post in November about Jacob and his love of whales.  With his infatuation going on for over a year at that point, I wondered when it would end.  Well, it looks like the day has come.

Yesterday, while pretending to be an Oviraptor all day, Jacob told one of my friends that he used to love whales, but now he only loves dinosaurs.  I realize that he is growing up and that his interests will change over time, but it made me so sad to hear him say that.

While talking to another friend this week, she mentioned that she would give anything to spend a day with her twins when they were two.  She said that that period of her life is such a blur now.  I have been thinking about that ever since we talked.  There are days that I am fully engaged and LOVE being a full time mom.  There are other days that I just want to get back in bed and start over.  I do treasure them though and I hope that these memories never fade.

911

Last night while I was putting the boys to bed, Sarah managed to get a piece of tape off of some furniture in Jamiee’s room and quickly put it in her mouth.  Jamiee called me when Sarah started gagging and throwing up.  I ran in and she seemed fine, but then she threw up again.  When I looked in her mouth, I could see the tape lodged in the back of her throat.  Knowing that I should not try to pull it out since I could push it farther back, I grabbed the phone and dialed 911. 

The operators were great and when the second one came on the phone to tell me what to do, Sarah managed to cough it out.  I told this to the operator, but he said that they were still going to send someone out to make sure that all of it came out. I was expecting one ambulance, but no, they sent the whole emergency entourage… Three vehicles with flashing lights all outside our house.

When they pulled up, Jamiee was outside on her way back from the garage.  The captain asked where the child was and Jamiee pointed to our door.  Jamiee said that outside they were pulling the stretcher out of the ambulance and gathering supplies.  The captain came up with three or four other men to check on Sarah.  After a quick look, he waved off one of the vehicles.  While the paramedic checked Sarah’s vitals and declared her just fine, another man asked to see the tape and vomit (to check for blood I suppose.)  The boys were fixed at the window watching all of the activity outside.  Toward the end of their visit, the captain sat down and talked to them about all the vehicles and what they were doing.  Throughout their time here, I was desperately trying to suppress the nervous laughter that I wished I didn’t have.  They asked me several times if I was okay.  I told them that I was a little embarrassed that they had to bring everyone out, but they assured me that this was their job and that I did the right thing by calling in this situation. The whole thing lasted about 10 minutes. 

After they left, I was thinking about the response time.  It took them about five minutes to get here.  Knowing that Sarah was okay, I used that five minutes to quickly pick up the living room as I did not want them seeing our evening mess.  I can’t imagine how long that five minutes would have felt had she been unconscious or not breathing.  We have been so blessed to have had God’s hand of protection on our children – from Sarah’s heart to Toby’s multiple poison control calls and all the falls, cuts, and scrapes in between.  

So, now I can add “called 911″ to my parenting list.

Discipline ideas?

Jacob has always been an easy kid. He likes to please, so he does not get into trouble that often. When he does start to get out of hand, it’s often because he’s tired and becomes hyper. I’ve found that a nap or earlier bedtime will do the trick with him.

Tobias on the other hand, is much like I imagine I was as a child. I know he’s only two, but he does not listen and will often look at you and smile before he does what he KNOWS he’s not supposed to. He especially likes to bother Jacob. I’m sure it’s because it elicits a great response! Jacob screams and/or cries, and Toby gets a big kick out of it. After giving him other options and trying to get him to stop, I usually end up saying “Toby, stop bothering Jacob, or you’re going to be in trouble!” Yesterday, Toby started telling Jacob “Don’t bother me.” Not quite the kind of loving language that I’d like them to use with each other.

Discipline with Toby has been difficult. For a time-out we put him in his crib without blankie and the door open or have him sit against a wall with his hands on his knees. When he’s in his crib, he’ll SCREAM the whole time. He doesn’t scream during a wall time out, but he talks constantly to anyone and no one. I’ve started giving his toys time-outs, so when he hits Jacob on the head with a toy or throws it at someone, it’s put in time out for the rest of the afternoon. He doesn’t mind too much, and when he does think about he’ll just point to it and say “it’s in time out.” He can tell you the purpose of the time out in any situation, but it doesn’t seem to matter much to him. There are sometimes, when I do spank him. I know it’s incredibly frowned upon by parenting experts, but sometimes I think it’s called for. Unfortunately, those don’t seem to impact him much either. And, Jacob, in his play exploration, has taken to working that in. To a car today, he said “you’re being very naughty. You need a spank.” That’s not what I want either. You may be thinking that we should reward the good behavior – tried that. When he knows a reward is coming, just stops whatever he is doing and screams until he gets it.

He’s not all bad. He’s incredibly cute and he is my cuddler. He loves to give hugs. He’ll spontaneously say “I love you Mommy.” He’ll give you bites of his treats (Jacob NEVER shares treats!) He’ll offer Jacob toys that he knows Jacob likes. He kisses Sarah and sweetly says “Don’t cry baby sister,” when she’s upset. I just have no idea what else to do with him when he isn’t doing the right thing. Any ideas?

Can I be ungrounded?

Our fourteen year old daughter has been grounded for the past week for smoking. I think she is sorry, but she is incredibly proud and does not like to admit when she has done wrong. I told her earlier this week that her grounding would be over when she could apologize and be sincere about not smoking again.

So tonight, her two best friends came back into town after a long trip. She started hinting all afternoon about talking to me, but never actually said, “can we talk?”, so then one of her friends came over and the two of them were whispering about talking to me.

Finally, J. walks into the kitchen while her friend is in the living room and slouches into the counter ready to “talk”. I said, “Don’t even think about starting this conversation with your friend in the next room.” So, she went back into the living room, whispered something to her friend, and the friend left. J. went into her room where I followed.

Me: J., you know better than to ask me stuff like that in front of your friends.
J: I was going to, but she wouldn’t leave.
Me: You should have just told her that it was time to go then.
J: But if I didn’t go with her then, she was going to go back home.
Me: Well, you could have told her to wait at Grandma’s or let her go home and called her there.
J: Silence.
Me: You’ve been hinting all afternoon about this conversation, but even now you won’t say anything. What’s going on?
J: I wrote a blog about it yesterday.
Me: That’s great, but you also spent the evening with me and Brian. Why didn’t you tell us or talk to us about it there?
J: I don’t know.
Me: You’ve had over a week to say something to us. Now it seems like you only want to say sorry because your friends are back in town, so my answer is no, you’re not going out tonight. What do you think?
J: Silence.
Me: You may actually be sorry. I hope you are, but you have let your pride get in the way and now you’re stuck here again. What did you think would happen when you said you were sorry?
J: I don’t know.
Me: You have lived with us long enough to know us now… we’re not mean, we’re not even that strict. You would have been ungrounded days ago if you’d been able to talk to us about it then.
J: Silence.
Me: You need to apologize for this and you still need to say something about smoking. I’m going to put Jacob to bed and you need to find me when you’re ready.

They’re a lot of work when they’re toddlers, but parenting a teen… wow, it’s a whole new ballgame.

Tossed Aside

Jacob has had a little entourage for quite a while. There’s Bear, Two Bear, Blanket, Cow, Kitty, and Eeyore. For about a year, he’s needed all of these before he was able to sleep. This week, however, Cow and Eeyore have been given the boot. It’s really sad. Eeyore, I’m not very surprised about since he was always on the fringe anyway, but Cow… Cow was his third best friend (next to Bear and Two Bear).

This will probably sound crazy since most parents WANT their children to give up their lovies, but I’m hoping this is a temporary thing. I’m not ready to give him up yet!

Breaking my heart

We’re heading to Texas in a few weeks for the holidays and some good family time. I’m very excited about it. Before we go though, I want Toby to be able to sleep on his own, in his own bed. We did this with Jacob when he was about 3 1/2 months old. Jacob cried for about an hour the first night and then was out. Night ..2, he cried for 2 hours, then I went and picked him up and he promptly fell asleep. Night ..3, he cried for 10 minutes and fell asleep, and that pretty much became his routine. Now he reads and goes to sleep without tears. It’s pretty nice.

I put Toby in bed about an hour and half ago, and he’s been crying his little heart out. I really want to go pick him up, but I also want him to learn to sleep before we get to Texas, so I’m resisting. It’s hard to sit here and listen to him though. I know what his face looks like when he’s been crying really hard and that breaks my heart. He’s such a sweet boy. He was in a great mood this evening, smiling and laughing and cooing. He was pretty drowsy when I put him down, but still it wasn’t what he expected. It’s finally beginning to slow and there are long pauses in between the cries, so I hope he’s almost done. I didn’t feel this way with Jacob, which is funny considering he was our first.

Hopefully tomorrow will be easier.